Birth Trauma Survivor and Maternal Health Advocate

“I have a hot memory, but I know I've forgotten many things too, just squashed things in favor of survival.” Iggy Pop

It was almost ten o’clock in the evening when the surgery was completed. I was relieved. Dr. Richmond was cautious to give me too much hope. He said that the surgery went well and that he would be back to check on me the next day. My throat was sore and I was groggy from all of the drugs. My body felt like it had been run over by a truck, but I was alive.

I felt like I had pulled off the impossible–not dying.

Dr. B emerged from the side room where a bunch of hospital bigwigs had gathered to watch the surgery.

“You did great. How do you feel?” He asked.

“I’m still here.” I replied, surprised at the hoarseness of my own voice.

“They want you to go into the intensive care unit, but I want you to go back upstairs to labor and delivery. I want you to be with your baby.”

“I am not going into ICU. I have to see Bobby and the baby.” I was barely able to mutter a whisper. I hadn’t seen Miss J since five o’clock and I was eager to get back to her.

“Ok, well then I need you to act like you just won the Miss America pageant so they think you are stable enough to go upstairs. Think you can you do it?”

“Don’t you know who you are dealing with? Of course I can do it. You might as well give me my Oscar now for the performance you are about to see.”

There was quite a commotion as I was being transported back to the labor and delivery floor. I could hear some arguing between Dr. B and hospital staff members. He was pleading my case, telling everyone that the best place for me to be was back with my daughter. I’m sure the hospital was scared of a lawsuit in case anything happened to me, but Dr. B knew that reuniting with my child was instrumental in my recovery. I heard everyone reluctantly come to an agreement. Dr. B  pushed my bed down the hall, trailed by an entourage of nurses, assistants and nervous hospital personnel. I waved and smiled like I was wearing the crown jewels. People kept asking me how I felt. “I feel good!” I would answer back with a smile, while giving a thumbs up.

Dr. B pushed my bed into the elevator, the doors shut quickly in front of everyone elses face and it was just us two for the ride back up to labor and delivery.

“You are one of the strongest people I have ever met.” He said.

“Its just not my time to go Dr. B. Simple as that.”

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