Birth Trauma Survivor and Maternal Health Advocate

“True rebels hate their own rebellion. They know by experience that it is not a cool and glamorous lifestyle; it takes a courageous fool to say things that have not been said and to do things that have not been done.” Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

Within an hour of hitting the “publish” button I had over eight hundred page views on my website. No turning back. I logged onto my Twitter account to see if there was any activity there. There was a tweet to me from a South African woman. She explained over a series of tweets and private…

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"Doctors have told me I have a high pain threshold, but I can only know what I feel. I think I'm good at minimizing the pain and being indifferent to it." Johnny Knoxville

Within thirteen months, I had  two hemorrhages. I was also living life as a happy mom shuffling Miss J back and forth to classes and play dates.  At the same time, my anxiety was at an all time high. I wasn’t depressed, I was afraid of dying. I was afraid that enjoying normal activities like…

“The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which two women can admit [how difficult mothering is] quietly to each other, over cups of tea, at a table sticky with spilled apple juice and littered with markers without tops.” Anna Quindlen

Making mom friends is similar to making friends when you’re the new kid in school. There were some moms I bonded with immediately and have remained friends with over the past four years. There are some who, although we didn’t become best friends, I enjoy seeing around town or catching up with at the playground….

“Fortunately, when you're a mom, the responsibility of caring for your child can keep you going.” Shania Twain

May 2010 Dr. B called me often to see how I was doing–at least once per week in the months that followed Miss J’s birth.  One day, I explained to him that the pediatrician had scared me by telling me that Miss J had jaundice. The pediatrician suggested that Miss J would need vitamin D…

“Debriefing-style counseling after a trauma often aggravates a victim's stress-related symptoms, for example, and 4 in 10 bereaved people do better without grief therapy.” Winifred Gallagher

I never found any comfort in talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Jones–I was only seeing her twice a week because she suggested it. I dreaded every appointment. Instead of feeling like I was making progress, I often left feeling much worse than I did before. During our sessions I saw her eyes constantly dart back…

"Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell." Cass Canfield

I wasted a lot of time that I should have spent sleeping staring at my naked body in our bathroom mirror. I stared at my stomach, which was still bloated and in an odd football shape. I stared at my legs and feet that were swollen with fluid. I stared at my breasts. They had…

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Albert Camus

I was hooked up to so many gadgets. Oxygen under my nose, IV’s in both arms, a catheter (yuck!) and random sticky circles on my chest connected to long cords. I was still afraid to close my eyes. Bobby and my best friend, Erica, were waiting in the hallway when I got off the elevator….

“I have a hot memory, but I know I've forgotten many things too, just squashed things in favor of survival.” Iggy Pop

It was almost ten o’clock in the evening when the surgery was completed. I was relieved. Dr. Richmond was cautious to give me too much hope. He said that the surgery went well and that he would be back to check on me the next day. My throat was sore and I was groggy from…