Birth Trauma Survivor and Maternal Health Advocate

“There was something in her eyes that made me trust her. Maybe it was because they held the same cynicism, the same world-weariness I saw in my own every morning when I looked at myself in the mirror.” Melika Dannese Lux, Corcitura

During our first meeting, Rachael told me that she was going to be my partner on this journey. She would reiterate that statement often during our sessions.  I used to think it was such an odd and corny thing to say. How can you be partners with someone you hardly know?  Plus, in order to…

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"Doctors have told me I have a high pain threshold, but I can only know what I feel. I think I'm good at minimizing the pain and being indifferent to it." Johnny Knoxville

Within thirteen months, I had  two hemorrhages. I was also living life as a happy mom shuffling Miss J back and forth to classes and play dates.  At the same time, my anxiety was at an all time high. I wasn’t depressed, I was afraid of dying. I was afraid that enjoying normal activities like…

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“The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which two women can admit [how difficult mothering is] quietly to each other, over cups of tea, at a table sticky with spilled apple juice and littered with markers without tops.” Anna Quindlen

Making mom friends is similar to making friends when you’re the new kid in school. There were some moms I bonded with immediately and have remained friends with over the past four years. There are some who, although we didn’t become best friends, I enjoy seeing around town or catching up with at the playground….

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“Fortunately, when you're a mom, the responsibility of caring for your child can keep you going.” Shania Twain

May 2010 Dr. B called me often to see how I was doing–at least once per week in the months that followed Miss J’s birth.  One day, I explained to him that the pediatrician had scared me by telling me that Miss J had jaundice. The pediatrician suggested that Miss J would need vitamin D…

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“Debriefing-style counseling after a trauma often aggravates a victim's stress-related symptoms, for example, and 4 in 10 bereaved people do better without grief therapy.” Winifred Gallagher

I never found any comfort in talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Jones–I was only seeing her twice a week because she suggested it. I dreaded every appointment. Instead of feeling like I was making progress, I often left feeling much worse than I did before. During our sessions I saw her eyes constantly dart back…

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“I remember leaving the hospital – thinking, 'Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don't know beans about babies! I don't have a license to do this.' We're just amateurs.” Anne Tyler

You have to have an absurd amount of schooling and experience to be considered for most jobs. You have to fill out an application, go for an interview (sometimes several), and then you wait to hear the outcome. When you want to have a baby, there are no requirements at all. There is no age…

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The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection. -Thomas Paine

This past spring and summer were full of changes–similar to the spring and summer after Miss J was born. We have recently uprooted ourselves and made the big trek from the city to suburbia. This transition is mourned by some, welcomed by others and often necessary once you have children. I got so caught up…

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"The world we’re in right now, it’s like showing emotion has become a bad thing". James Gandolfini

The world we’re in right now, it’s like showing emotion has become a bad thing. Like there’s something wrong with you if you’re really in love or really angry and you show it. Like, if you feel those powerful emotions and you express them, instead of keeping them inside then you must be someone who…

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Happy Birthday Miss J! And Happy Birthday to You Too.

Today is Miss J’s 3rd birthday. People often say that time flies when you have kids. For me, there have been many moments that dragged on and on with no end in sight. Sleepless nights. Cleaning and sterilizing bottles. Teething. Sleep training. There were other moments that seemed to happen overnight like when Miss J…

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Reunited with Miss J: A Few Pictures

Miss J is almost three years old now. Lately she is in the habit of getting out of her “big girl bed” every night and getting into our bed in the wee hours of the morning. There are times when this irritates me because a good night’s sleep is hard to come by nowadays. But…

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