Birth Trauma Survivor and Maternal Health Advocate

“You've probably read in People that I'm a nice guy – but when the doctor first told me I had Parkinson's, I wanted to kill him.” Michael J. Fox

Often, doctors have to give people extremely bad news. “You’re in bad shape, kid. Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna try to stop the bleeding. I gotta do an embolization to stop the bleeding. If that doesn’t work, you have to get a hysterectomy. You have to realize that if you get a hysterectomy,…

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"Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell." Cass Canfield

I wasted a lot of time that I should have spent sleeping staring at my naked body in our bathroom mirror. I stared at my stomach, which was still bloated and in an odd football shape. I stared at my legs and feet that were swollen with fluid. I stared at my breasts. They had…

The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection. -Thomas Paine

This past spring and summer were full of changes–similar to the spring and summer after Miss J was born. We have recently uprooted ourselves and made the big trek from the city to suburbia. This transition is mourned by some, welcomed by others and often necessary once you have children. I got so caught up…

"The world we’re in right now, it’s like showing emotion has become a bad thing". James Gandolfini

The world we’re in right now, it’s like showing emotion has become a bad thing. Like there’s something wrong with you if you’re really in love or really angry and you show it. Like, if you feel those powerful emotions and you express them, instead of keeping them inside then you must be someone who…

Happy Birthday Miss J! And Happy Birthday to You Too.

Today is Miss J’s 3rd birthday. People often say that time flies when you have kids. For me, there have been many moments that dragged on and on with no end in sight. Sleepless nights. Cleaning and sterilizing bottles. Teething. Sleep training. There were other moments that seemed to happen overnight like when Miss J…

“I have a hot memory, but I know I've forgotten many things too, just squashed things in favor of survival.” Iggy Pop

It was almost ten o’clock in the evening when the surgery was completed. I was relieved. Dr. Richmond was cautious to give me too much hope. He said that the surgery went well and that he would be back to check on me the next day. My throat was sore and I was groggy from…

What is your definition of Trauma?

For me it was many things. The blood. Feeling Dr. B’s hand and arm inside my body, massaging my uterus over and over again. Fear of closing my eyes. Vomiting on myself. Being nude in front of all those strangers. The surgery. Not holding Miss J. Demerol. Tranfusions. Uncertainty about life and death. The death…

"There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There’s only us. There’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today." Jonathan Larson, Rent

There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There’s only us. There’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today. I can’t control my destiny. I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be….

"The belly rules the mind."-Spanish Proverb

April 18, 2010 It was a mild April afternoon, the sky was overcast and the temperature was in the mid-fifties. Every now and then, the sun peeked from behind the clouds. As we drove to the hospital we passed several new condo developments and shopping centers. I devoured the chicken sandwiches we made, ate some…

Never come between a girl and her Pnina.

Before I was engaged, I ripped a picture of my dream dress out of a magazine. Designed by Pnina Tornai, this heavenly confection was a body hugging mermaid style gown made of silk tulle. The mermaid tail stopped just after the butt and turned into a billowy, layered tulle ball gown—too many layers of tulle,…